David knew this. Moses knew this (see previous post). And the apostle Paul certainly knew this as reflected in the different ways he refers to himself as his years increase:
Written during his third missionary journey:
For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church.Written (most likely) while on house arrest in Rome, after his third missionary journey:
1 Corinthians 15:9
To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ...Written (most likely) during a fourth missionary journey (after being released from house arrest in Rome) as Paul drew near to the end of his life (probably one of the final books Paul wrote--with only Titus and 2 Timothy to follow):
Ephesians 3:8
The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.Do you see the progression? Writing to Corinth, Paul refers to himself as the least of all the apostles, a select group of men chosen out of all the saints. Writing to Ephesus, he then refers to himself as the least of all the saints, now casting the net a little wider by saying that he is the least out of all who have been redeemed by Christ. And then, writing to Timothy as his life draws near to the end, he then refers to himself as the foremost of sinners, now casting the net as wide as it can go by saying that he is the least of all who are descendants of Adam--every human being (with the exception of Jesus) who has ever lived or ever will live. In other words, Paul refers to himself as the least of all humanity. What is going on here?
1 Timothy 1:15-17
I think that Paul is growing downward in humiliation before God the longer he lives. He sees more and more of his sin and it humbles him. The longer he lives, he discovers that the sin disease that plagues him is more serious than he ever conceived that it was. He grows more desperate for Jesus. And at the very same time, with the infinite availability of free pardoning and sanctifying grace that flows from the cross, he soars higher and higher in adoration of the God who not only showed him mercy on the road to Damsacus, but the God who daily continues to show mercy and patience to the wretched man that he is (Romans 7:24). And that's why he can't help but break into a song of adoration immediately after he refers to himself as the foremost of sinners:
To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.Growing downward in our humiliation before God and upward in our adoration of Him are inseparable. The more we are humbled, the more we will sing. The lower we go, the louder we sing.
1 Timothy 1:17
Not only was this true in the life of the saints recorded in Scripture, but it was true in the lives of many of the saints throughout church history. One such man who experienced this to be the case was Charles Simeon, a pastor in England in the late 1700's and early 1800's. Listen to Simeon (all of the following quotes are taken from The Roots of Endurance: Invincible Perseverance in the Lives of John Newton, Charles Simeon and William Wilberforce, written by John Piper):
I have continually had such a sense of my sinfulness as would sink me into utter despair, if I had not an assured view of the sufficiency and willingness of Christ to save me to the uttermost. And at the same time I had such a sense of my acceptance through Christ as would overset my little bark, if I had not ballast at the bottom sufficient to sink a vessel of no ordinary size.Listening to what Simeon says probably can make you feel depressing in more ways than one. It makes us feel depressed because to encounter our sin, to feel it for what it is, and to turn from it in repentance produces a broken and contrite heart. Our hearts weren't originally created to be broken. So the ache that we feel when our hearts are broken is by design. Precisely because our hearts weren't originally designed to be broken, broken hearts are supposed to hurt (this reminds us that the world isn't what it should be, that we live in a fallen world, Romans 8:18-25). But none of us wants to hurt. So instead of "laboring incessantly" to pursue this broken and contrite heart, we are content to be passive and just let it comes when it comes or, even worse, to labor incessantly to avoid a broken and contrite heart.
--Charles Simeon (p. 107)
With this sweet hope of ultimate acceptance with God, I have always enjoyed much cheerfulness before men; but I have at the same time labored incessantly to cultivate the deepest humiliation before God. I have never though that the circumstance of God's having forgiven me, was any reason why I should forgive myself; on the contrary, I have always judged it better to loathe myself the more, in proportion as I was assured that God was pacified towards me (Ezekiel 16:63)...There are but two objects that I have ever desired fore these forty years to behold; the one, in my own vileness; and the other is, the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ: and I have always thought that they should be viewed together; just as Aaron confessed all the sins of Israel whilst he put them on the head of the scapegoat. The disease did not keep him from applying the remedy, nor did the remedy keep him from feeling the disease. By this I seek to be, not only humble and thankful but humbled in thankfulness, before my God and Savior continually.
--Charles Simeon (p.108)
I would have the whole of my experience one continued sense--first, of my nothingness, and dependence on God; second, of my guiltiness and desert before Him; third, of my obligations to redeeming love, as utterly overwhelming me with its incomprehensible extent and grandeur. Now I do not see why any one of these should swallow up another.
--Charles Simeon (p.110)
Repentance is in every view so desirable, so necessary, so suited to honor God, that I seek that above all. The tender heart, the broken and contrite spirit, are to me far above all the joys that I could ever hope for in this vale of tears. I long to be in my proper place, my hand on my mouth, and my mouth in the dust...I feel this to be safe ground. Here I cannot err...I am sure that whatever God may despise...He will not despise the broken and contrite heart.
--Charles Simeon (p.110)
By constantly meditating on the goodness of God and on our great deliverance from that punishment which our sins have deserved, we are brought to feel our vileness and utter unworthiness; and while we continue in this spirit of self-degradation, everything else will go on easily. We shall find ourselves advancing in our course; we shall feel the presence of God; we shall experience His love; we shall live in the enjoyment of His favor and in the hope of His glory...You often feel that your prayers scarcely reach the ceiling; but, oh, get into this humble spirit by considering how good the Lord is, and how evil you are, and then prayer will mount on wings of faith to heaven. The sigh, the groan of a broken heart, will soon go through the ceiling up to heaven, aye, into the very bosom of God.
--Charles Simeon (p.111)
Another way that what Simeon says makes us feel depressed is that it might cause us to feel like we have to be the ones who produce this broken and contrite heart by trying to continually think about how sinful we are. And yet no matter how much we may try, 1) it doesn't produce in us genuine brokenness of heart but perhaps only feelings of guilt (they are not the same thing) and 2) it feels forced, contrived, and inauthentic, just doing it for the sake of doing it.
In response to the second feeling of depression we might feel when we hear Simeon's words, listen to one of Simeon's biographers describe exactly how it was that Simeon "labored incessantly" to cultivate this broken heart:
Self-humiliation for Simeon consisted not of belittling the gifts that God had given him or pretending that he was a man of no account, or exaggerating the sins of which he was very conscious. He went about it by consciously bringing himself into the presence of God, dwelling thoughtfully on his majesty and glory, magnifying the mercy of his forgiveness and the wonder of his love. These were the things that humbled him--not so much his own sinfulness but God's incredible love.In other words, we don't "labor incessantly" to grow downward in humiliation and cultivate a broken heart by incessantly meditating on our sin. We "labor incessantly" to grow downward in humiliation and cultivate a broken heart by incessantly meditating on our God, and letting those meditations reveal to us who we really are in relationship to who He truly is. The experience of both the prophet Isaiah (Isaiah 6:1-7) and Simon Peter (Luke 5:1-11) is that they saw the depths of their sin not by looking inwardly upon themselves but by looking out of themselves to the glory of God in the gracious revelation of His perfect attributes.
--Hugh Evan Hopkins, Charles Simeon of Cambridge as quoted by John Piper in The Roots of Endurance, p.112
In response to the first feeling of depression that we might feel when we hear Simeon's words, listen to these words that Simeon spoke, describing why the broken heart is essential in the life of the believer:
So unfathomable are the counsels of divine wisdom contained in [the cross] that all the angels of heaven are searching into it with a thirst that is insatiable. Such is its efficacy, that nothing can withstand its influence. By this then, you may judge whether you are Christians in deed and in truth, or whether you are only such in name...For a nominal Christian is content with proving the way of salvation by a crucified Redeemer. But the true Christian loves it, delights in it, and shudders at the very thought of glorying in anything else.Affections stem from the heart. And the more our hearts are broken in response to "laboring incessantly" to grow downward in humiliation, the more our hearts will be kept soft and capable of loving, delighting, singing about, and glorying in the gospel above anything else. If the heart is viewed as a muscle, the pursuit of growing downward in humiliation is analogous to the painful breakdown of muscle tissue when we lift weights. But the only way that the muscle will grow in being able to do what it is meant to do with greater strength and greater endurance (rejoice more deeply and with greater endurance as we adore the glory of God in Christ) is if it is continually being broken down in exercise. And we cannot be indifferent to this kind of growth like we might be when it comes to exercise and our bodies. Our hearts never remain in the same state. Our hearts will either soften (muscle growth) as they glory in the gospel or harden (muscle atrophy) as they inevitably, yet often subtly, glory in something else.
--Charles Simeon (p.113-104, The Root of Endurance)
It’s only by growing downward in humiliation before God--in understanding the mystery that at the same time that we are His precious children we are a worm before God (Isaiah 41:14)--that we will be able to better understand the gospel and more fully apply it in all of our lives, including our prayers (see previous post), at the same time growing upward in adoration of Him.
So please resolve with me in this new year, and at the start of each new year—or as frequently as God would have you—to “labor incessantly” to grow downwardly in humiliation before God and upward in adoration of Him so that, if He wills by His grace, when we usher out 2010 and usher in 2011 we will be lower down in humiliation and higher up in adoration than we were as we now usher out 2009 and usher in 2010.
To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every good work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.Only by Your grace, Father. Only by Your grace. Thank You for another year of the quiet constancy of Your steadfast love and faithfulness. Because of this we sing. But we want to sing more frequently. We want to sing louder. We want to endure longer in our singing. So please show us still more of your steadfast love and faithfulness in the year that lies ahead so that, laboring incessantly, we may go deeper into debt to grace, downward in humiliation and upward in adoration. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
2 Thessalonians 1:11-12
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