Jesus, All for Jesus

2002-2003

Eight years ago, while I was a sophomore at Stanford University, my life began to be turned upside down when I met Jesus Christ. One of the reasons Jesus rocked my world was because I knew that if I was truly going to follow Him, it would require me to leave behind everything. Though perhaps not literally everything, absolutely everything. And I knew that as much I wanted to, I couldn't do it. There was too much that I still wanted to hold on to.

From those earliest days following Jesus, I've always loved to sing to Him. And it's something I've never taken lightly because it's an exercise of both my heart and my mind. We should always think about what we're singing and the truth is that sometimes we'd be wise not to sing if we really understood what we're singing. One such song that I always hesitated to sing during my time as a student with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at Stanford was called "Jesus, All for Jesus" (below). Every time we sang that song as a fellowship I almost always chose not to sing because of what I knew it could mean for my life if I sang it and really meant it. So I would just sit or stand there and listen.

2003-2004

In December 2003, as a junior at Stanford and new follower of Jesus, I attended InterVarsity's Urbana conference for world missions where I learned for the first time about God's global purposes. Gathered for 5 days with 20,000 other students from all over the world, the magnitude and scale of what was at stake was overwhelming for me. I can't explain to you why, but for some reason I chose to participate in the international track for that week (even though it was specifically for international students, which I wasn't) and as a result found myself worshiping and praying with a smaller group of native Africans each night. I can still remember how all my fellow Stanford students at Urbana that year were kind of taken aback when I explained to them that the reason they didn't see me much that week was because I was in the international track, which was housed completely separately. I was kind of taken aback myself when thinking after the fact about how I arrived at that decision! And only now does the reason for my being there make a little bit more sense to me in light of God's providence.

On one of the last nights of that conference, in the presence of 20,000 other students, there was an invitation for anyone to stand up and make a commitment to spend an extended period of time overseas participating in world missions. As I watched handfuls of students standing up all around me in that event center, everything in me wanted to stand up. But I didn't. I couldn't.

2005

At the beginning of 2005, only a couple of months away from my college graduation, I distinctly remember my interview at Adobe. After multiple career fairs, interviews, and resume distributions that year, it was March and I still didn't have one job offer. But after a series of conversations with multiple people during that interview (which felt more like an information session than an interview!), I sat in an empty office by myself as all the people I had talked to huddled in another office to determine whether they wanted to hire me or not.

I can't fully put into words my experience as I sat in that office by myself, but it was as though God Himself came down and assured me that I was going to get that job. There wasn't the slightest doubt in my mind that they were going to hire me. But as certain as that assurance was, there was another impression that was etched upon my mind and heart in those moments that I still remember to this day as though God Himself had spoken to me: "I'm going to give you this job. But don't hold on to it tightly. I'm your security. So, in the day that I call, be as ready and willing to leave this job as you are today to take it." It's been almost 6 years since that day. Despite other possible job/career opportunities and multiple layoffs the company has gone through, I've been at Adobe this whole time.

2008

About two and a half years ago, God irresistibly and irrevocably called me to labor for the spread of the gospel in Kenya. But two and a half years later, why am I still in the United States? God has kept me here in the United States because at no point along the way have I been ready for the transition to Kenya.

2011

Yesterday I officially informed my manager that I will be leaving my position at Adobe in just over a month. It was a little emotional and my manager would have talked me out of it if she could, but the peace and clarity and confidence and joy that I had from the Holy Spirit in those moments was abundant. The day that God had spoken of as I sat in that office by myself almost 6 years ago in March 2005 had finally arrived.

In those fellowship meetings as a college student, at Urbana in 2003, waiting in that Adobe office by myself in 2005, that decisive night in Kenya in 2008, over these past couple of years, and yesterday--through those experiences and every step of the way--God has been loosening my heart so that I can sing "Jesus, All for Jesus" not primarily with my tongue, but with the fullness of my life, with everything in me.

And, even now, I still feel a hesitation to sing this song.

But, oh Lord, I pray that where my tongue may lag, my heart and my life never would. Only by your grace do I make this my constant, unceasing prayer, from this time forth and forevermore: